Monthly Archives: March 2009

This woman speaks for all of us who have ever read men’s ridiculous, idiotic and lame personal ads.  Please, oh please, use a freaking spell checker before you try to find yourself a girlfriend or even just a girl for a night.  How much work does it take to use proper punctuation and spelling?  Unfortunately, all women are not 21 year old model virgins who are size 0.  Get over it and yourself.  Have you ever looked in a mirror.  Oh my, I think her rant is contagious….

Why I am not the perfect girl for you.

Date: 2009-01-05, 7:46AM EST

For a while now, I’ve been posting and hunting on Craigslist. I get bored at work a lot, and it seems to pass the time. Every guy on here seems to think that he is God’s gift to mankind (not even just the women…). Joe Schmoe posts on here looking for the brilliant, model, single, virgin, wealthy etc etc girl. Do you smell that? Cause its time to wake up and take a hugeeee whiff of that folgers.

Regardless, here’s some of my commentary. (Taken directly from posts in Men Seeking Women)

“I am hoping to find an athletic, fun loving white female…” Ok. Athletic? So, should I like be on a team or something? Do you want me to be able to kick your ass when we wrastle? Fun loving? No…I hate fun. Fun is the worst thing ever. You try to have fun with me and the consequences will be dire.

“looking for friend with beniftits” *sigh* Where do I start, young sir? There is a section dedicated solely to you getting your johnson stroked. Its called NSA! And what “beniftits” were you looking for? Perhaps some spelling/grammar lessons? I’d be happy to tutor you. Maybe I’m viewing this entirely the wrong way? Maybe you are in fact extremely clever and were using a play on words? Benef-tits? I think not.

“im 6’4″ 270lbs blk straight teeth” Black straight teeth? Maybe you should spend your time at the dentist rather than Craigslist. Or, use a flippin comma.

“If you are fake, I have no time for you.” Sorry sugar. But honestly, you don’t want to see 99% of the women out there without a little fakeness. Otherwise you’d slit your wrists. Everyone fudges the truth a little. *ahem* “No honey! You don’t look fat in those jeans at all…” Would you rather me tell you what I REALLY think about you when you come up to me at *insert random bar name here*? I don’t think so. BTW, you have spinach in your teeth.

“I am looking for a woman who takes care of her self” I would hope that would be one of your requirements. I can’t see someone asking for a woman who doesn’t shower? Doesn’t buy clothing that fits? Doesn’t pay her bills? I’m confused.

“i want to look into your eyes and tell you how much more beautiful they are than the stars.” Weed and Craigslist ads do NOT mix! Stop making me vomit. Punch me in the face or something instead…Jeez.

“I am looking to meet some one special that would like to start as friends and build from there.” Really? Because I prefer marriage immediately. F this friends sh*t.

“I also want to get to meeting without 6 mos. of useless messeges” Would 5 months be ok? I’m not sure if I’ll be able to tell if you’re genuinely not a serial killer until then.

“im only five eight 130lbs so no big girls or bbws” I dub this the ‘no fatties’ clause. Don’t you know big girls is [sic] freaks!?!11?! And eww, 130? I think my 95yo grandmother weighs more than that.

“I am a spontaneous person so I like to do a variety of things” I chose to spend my day doing the same thing over and over and over again. Like washing my hands. It makes me feel better. INVISIBLE BUGS! For future reference: Spontaneous: happening or arising without apparent external cause (this does not mean you like doing a variety of things, loser).

“I’m 5’6′brown eyes,38 old,no child,but like.” Please press 1 for English. No child, but like. You are child-like? You like no child? You like children? Sorry, the subscription for my dumbass translator is expired.

“likes to be outdoors but does not mind stayin indoors sumtimes” Is that like, breathing or not breathing? I was under the impression that indoors and outdoors were the only two options that humans had. Again, confused.

“Not interested in …morally bankrupt women.” What if I’m just financially bankrupt?

Anyway, I’m ending my rant there. And, if I’ve pulled from your ad, and you’re offended…Get the hell over it. Take some criticism and maybe you’ll meet that 21 year old model virgin you’re so desperately seeking.

• Location: VB

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Here’s another great listing from Craig’s List.  Sometimes you just have to downsize and sell off your most beloved possession in such times of economic turmoil that we are going through.  This guy has really developed a true fondness and relationship with the item that he, unfortunately, must part with.  It looks like they’ve really been through some things together.  Might as well buy it…I think it’s really under priced here! lmao  The video is classic and set to some really powerful and emotive music.  Oh the good times, the bad times, the memories, what can’t you do with this push pin?  It is nearly 7 minutes long and will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.  I wish it was longer.  I’m going to go and watch it again!

Thumb tack “Push Pin” Wonderful Item !!! $0.32

Date: 2009-01-12, 12:17PM EST

PostingID: 989846284

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This guy is truly hysterically funny.  If it was me, I’d just to be hysterical — angry that is but this dude seems to take it all in stride.  Maybe he’s buddhist and has just learned to accept things as they come.  Maybe he’s high as a kite and doesn’t really realize how much it sucks.  Maybe he’s a comedian who finds humor in everything.  Maybe he’s had so many awful and traumatic events happen to him that this doesn’t seem at all important.  Who knows?  Maybe he’s a wasted Buddhist comedian who has been very traumatized lately…  Anyways, definitely worth the read!!!

Break In…Break Out…

Date: 2008-12-30, 4:08PM PST

I gotta hand it to you. When it comes to the art of the smash and grab, you’re the best. I was in my apartment, probably awake, with the car parked right under my kitchen window flooded by parking lot lights. Judging by the fact that I found bits of glass from the driver’s side window in every corner of the car, from the dashboard to the back seat, I gotta say, when you break a window, you don’t go for subtle, you go all the way. You sir, work with gusto. Did you get a running start and swing a medieval battle axe at my window? Because that’s what it looks like. I’m still picking glass out of weird nooks and crannies. I bet nobody messes with you when you carry that battle axe.

You managed to get my stereo (which even I had a hard time getting in and out), an amplifier mounted (securely!) to the back of the back seat, and a big, heavy box containing a 1200 watt 12″ subwoofer. The impressive thing was that you did all this without damaging a single part of the inside of the car! I didn’t even know that piece of the dash around my stereo popped out like that. Shit, it would have made it a hell of a lot easier to install the RCA cables when I put the amp in. By the way, though it’s not a super high end amp, I’d recommend getting the 4 gauge power cable anyway as the protection circuit can get a little finicky. I mean, you went to the trouble to take $600 bucks worth of stuff, so it ought to work right.

Big ups for not jacking the post-election Obama print by Shepard Fairey that was in the tube in the back seat. Though really, thinking about it, it would have been kind of awesome if you had gotten home and saw that the poster said “Yes We Did” across the top. You could hang it up and pose for pics in front of it and your new stereo system. “Yes you did” break into my car. “Yes you did” get away with it. “Yes you did” (apparently) ignore the sea of Mercedes, Lexus, Range Rovers, etc that inhabit my parking lot, opting instead to hit up the lowly Grand Am. (It’s the GT model but still.) I have to deduct points for that one.

You rifled through all my compartments looking for what I can only guess was money and firearms but I don’t tend to leave that kind of stuff in the car. Sorry. Just some pennies in the tray. Scattering all that paperwork all over the seat reminded me that I had an awful lot of trash in there! Hope that didn’t hinder your search for my things. I’ve since put all that stuff in my filing cabinet. I’m actually kind of embarrassed that you saw all my clutter. I try to keep the car a bit cleaner than that. Then again, you DID cover the interior with about 3 inches of broken tempered glass so I guess you aren’t exactly a neat freak either. I won’t tell if you won’t.

Next time I’ll try to have a new wireless security cam trained on my parking space from my place so I can witness your skills for myself. I’ll put it up on YouTube so you can check it too. Hey, you can think of it as a training tape. You’ll probably look pretty creepy and bad ass on an infra-red camera too. Those things make your eyes look all glowy and shit, like that annoying chick dripping snot everywhere on The Blair Witch Project. Did you see that movie? Yeah, it kinda sucked.

Anyway, just wanted to write this. As I drive to work in silence, with the brisk winter air whipping in my face, I have plenty of time to reflect, and think of you. Hope you’re thinking of me too.

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There’s a new online shopping service especially for innovative and emerging technologies and products.  It’s definitely worth checking out, go to Design Mind Group on the web.  Regular readers will know just how much I love shopping, especially online shopping which my husband can certainly attest to — lol!  I especially love shopping for and reading about new productions and inventions which is definitely what Design Mind Group focuses on.

They have more than 10,000 products and are constantly reviewing new ideas and inventors in their new product division.  Design Mind Group really goes out of their way to work with inventions and new technologies from their earliest development stages.  They also offer surprisingly competitive prices and a fast and easy check out.

Design Mind Group offers a wide range of products as well, not just products for tech-geeks.  They have new products in the categories of toys, games, home and garden, health and beauty, and auto parts as well as the categories you would expect of cell phones, computers and electronic devices.  They even have sporting goods, including these really bizarre and cool looking jumping stilts.  That’s definitely something I’ve never seen before!

Another cool looking line that they carry is a line of herbal supplements that are designed to bring anything from “complete calm” to fatigue fighting to help during the grieving process to “sensual sex”!  That’s definitely a wide range of products!!  They are liquid drops that are to be taken orally in a drink.  I might have to try a couple of these out, although I’m not going to say which ones!

With competitive prices, good customer service, easy usability and US and UK based online stores, Design Mind Group has what many online shoppers are looking for.  While you’re surfing today, stop by and check them out!

This is a sponsored post with 100% real opinions.

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Organic foods are now becoming quite popular as we realize what the chemicals and pesticides used to produce ordinary commercially grown foods are doing.  Pesticides have gotten into the soil after years of overworking the land.  The pesiticides then get into ground water by leeching out of the dirt.  The chemicals are also evaporating into the air around us so that we’ve become cornered by chemicals from all sides.  And who knows what the pesticides are doing to our bodies as we take in more and more!

Going organic isn’t just important in our food supply, it’s important in our skin care and beauty supplies as well.  These products are absorbed into the skin so it’s nice to know exactly what is in something before you use it.  There are a whole range of products on the market now that are 100% natural like the line being made by Emerge Labs Organic Skin Care.  This company not only boasts organic ingredients, it also undergoes rigorous testing in the lab so that the products have real results.  They are committed to making the products help you feel natural, clean and pure while still having real therapeutic and anti-aging results.  Sounds good to me!

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I’ve decided to switch our household to recycled toilet paper after looking at the data of Greenpeace’s recent push to get everyone using recycled T.P.  Yes, it is not as soft as Charmin or whatever but it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  I even managed to find one that is 100% recycled content at my local grocery store.  I love that stores are offering a variety of green and organic choices now along with their regular items.

I’ve always said that toilet paper was my “one luxury” and something I wasn’t going to switch.  However, after reading about old growth forests being turned into my one luxury, I rethought my ideas.  People thinking these sorts of thoughts that they “deserve” to have the softest toilet paper or the best looking fruits and vegetables or whatever it may be has what has lead us to this mess in the first place.  Mass consumerism has taken over our culture and our world.  Sometimes things don’t have to be absolutely perfect.  An organic apple may not “look” as pretty as one grown with pesticides and chemicals but the truth is that they taste very much the same with the organic one winning out most times.  Plus, you don’t get all those pesticides and chemicals inside of your body and into soil, ground water and air.  The choices that are out there aren’t much of choices at all if you look at it on a global scale, the choices are pretty obvious.

So if you come to my house, don’t complain about the toilet paper.  Just know that I love the planet, recycled toilet paper works fine and maybe we can go for a walk in the woods we didn’t chop down to wipe our butts with — lol!

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This ad just struck me as really funny right from the first glance.  Maybe it’s the art “worth $1000″ that looks like it was painted by a ten year old.  Maybe it’s the guy’s love (and need) for a Toyota.  I don’t know.  What do you think??  This is not what I picture in my head when I’m thinking of erotic fine art.  Oh my goodness, now I’ve made myself think of erotic fine art first thing in the morning — lol!

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There’s a whole category of contests out there that many may not have even heard of — text message contests.  All you have to do to win is to Send text message and win!  Most of their contests run sort of like radio contests in that the 100th (or whatever number) caller wins.  Wow, that bit about the radio probably makes me sound really, really old!  When you text, it’ll tell you what number you are!  While you do have to pay a text message fee for every entry, you could put one of their banners on your site to recoup the costs.  Clicks on your banner will give you a 30% commission!  Not too shabby.  A good way to pass the time if you’re completely bored and you get chances to win some really good prizes too.

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On St. Patrick’s Day, the topic of drinking safely is especially relevant.  Green beer will be flowing at pubs throughout North America tonight and everyone needs to remember that drinking and driving kills.  What alot of people don’t think about is drinking while boating.  Now that spring is here and people are starting to think about their boats again, it’s very important to think about boats as a vehicle in the same way that your car or truck is.  Drinking and driving a vehicle of ANY kind leads to preventable accidents and needless deaths.  People on the water need to remember the motto: Don’t Drink and Boat!

Many people don’t realize that there are police patrolling the waterways looking for people operating under the influence (OUI) in just the same way that officers have check stops to see if you’ve been drinking under the influence (DUI).  Many people just picture beer and boats together, spending a beautiful sunny day on the water fishing or water skiing while drinking and having fun.    The important thing to remember is that just as you have a designated driver for your night out at the bar, you need a designated driver for that afternoon out on the water if there is alcohol involved.  A tragic accident is an awful way to end a “fun” day and is just not worth it in any way!  Keep in mind the hazards of combining alcohol and driving a boat when you head out to the water this season and have fun.

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