Birthday Eve

What an emotional day. All day long I kept thinking what we were doing at that time last year. 7:00 am — got to the hospital. 10:00 — convinced them to keep us, started to induce me to help the contractions become more powerful. 11:00 — broke my water. 12:00 — snuck to the cafeteria for some soup, argued with woman in hallway who was sure I must be expecting twins (silly twit) etc. etc. By this time last year I was in unbelievable pain that I didn’t think would ever end. Mark was as white as a ghost but incredibly strong for me. My mom, who I constantly thought was going to pass out, definietely managed to hold her own. I’m not sure what we’d have done without her. They say you forget the pain of childbirth but I’m not sure that’s true. The trauma of that day is indelibly etched into my psyche. So too is the beauty of her tiny face and hands. I remember when it was all over and Mark and my Mom had both left. The nurse moved me over the the recovery section of the maternity ward and I was left alone with a silent child in a quiet room before visiting hours had even started. It was about 6:00 am, I had been at the hospital for about 24 hours. Very quietly, very slowly I began to unwrap her from the tight bundle she had been given to me in. Off came the ridiculously ugly tiny toque and the receiving blanket she had been folded into. Off came the tiny hospital gown that looked very much like the one I was wearing. Underneath all these layers lay perfect, tiny Emma just looking at me with wonder. Her eyes were so big and she was so wide awake. I was exhausted but could not take my eyes off of her for an instant. After all the pain, the exhaustion, the depression of a pregnancy that felt like it would last forever came this one perfect moment that I’ll never forget. I can’t believe it’s already been a year. Happy Birthday Emmy!

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